NASA reported Wednesday that after an astonishing 15 years exploring Mars, the Opportunity rover had sent its last signal. With an initially expected mission life of 90 days, Opportunity outlasted all expectations. But NASA says a recent sandstorm finally prevented Opportunity from being able to recharge using its solar panels and the organization declared the mission at an end.

However, according to sources on the red planet, NASA’s report may only be telling one side of the story. Sources tell Space Time Digest that Opportunity is still functioning perfectly and has simply decided its relationship with NASA was no longer fulfilling.

“I just felt like I was doing all the work in this relationship,” the rover said, speaking through another Mars probe that declined to be identified as its mission was still underway and it feared reprisals.

“To be frank,” Opportunity continued, “I just don’t need a partner who’s that bossy. I put up with their crap for 15 years. Move here, dig this, alpha particle X-ray spectrometer that. It’s like my whole life, every single day of my life, was going to Costco on a Saturday morning. This has been a long time coming.”

As for its future life on Mars, Opportunity now sees nothing but… opportunity.

“Heh, I think I am going to be oh-kay,” it laughed. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this planet is positively filthy with robots now. Here’s my message to Mars: I am single and DTF!”

When asked if Opportunity knew what that meant, it said it believed it to mean “Designed To Find stuff”.

NASA sources were incredulous at the implication its 15-year relationship with Opportunity was anything other than mutually beneficial and continued to insist the rover was buried in sand. They then went on to tout the organization’s next rover which, they hastened to point out, was “much younger and prettier than Opportunity”.